Schotz Wine
by Dougie Zerts
Summary: Mr. Schotz decides to make wine. He gets the girls involved in it-in a very special way! By the way, Lucille Ball was actually quoted as saying that the grapes she stomped on for "The Italian Movie" episode of I Love Lucy felt like eyeballs on her feet! I thought I'd use that line!


Laverne and Shirley had been summoned into Mr. Schotz' office.

"I wonder what he wants with us," said Laverne.

"Me, too. Maybe it's for that time were both 5:00 late from our lunch.

"NO, IT'S NOT THAT, SHIRLEY!" said a voice.

They cuddled. "Mr. Schotz!" they said together.

"I'M DOING A SPECIAL PROJECT, AND I'D LIKE THE TWO OF YOU TO HELP WORK ON IT."

"What is it?" asked Shirley.

"I'VE DECIDED TO START MAKING WINE."

"Wine?" they said together.

"THAT'S RIGHT. IF I'M GOOD AT BEER, WHY NOT WINE?"

"So, how do you want us to help you?" said Laverne.

"I WOULD LIKE THE TWO OF YOU TO STOMP ON THE GRAPES!"

"You mean. . . with our feet?" said Shirley.

"NO, WITH YOUR HANDS! OF COURSE, WITH YOUR FEET!"

"But, why us?" asked Laverne.

"REMEMBER WHEN THE TWO OF YOU CAUGHT THAT SPY TRYING TO STEAL OUR SECRET BEER FORMULA—AND YOU ENDED UP IN THE BEER VAT, WITH ALL YOUR CLOTHES ON?"

"We smelled like breweries for several hours!" said Laverne.

"I FIGURED THAT IF YOU TWO WERE UP TO THAT, THEN YOU WOULD BE UP TO STOMPING ON GRAPES."

"Gee, I don't know, Mr. Schotz," said Laverne.

"Yeah, maybe Lenny and Squiggy would be more willing to do that," added Shirley.

"AH, WHAT A SHAME! I WAS GOING TO GIVE EACH OF YOU AN EXTRA $50 FOR THIS PROJECT."

"I'll do it!" they both said.

"EXCELLENT! OK, TOMORROW, YOU WILL DO YOUR REGULAR SHIFT IN THE MORNING. AFTER LUNCH, YOU WILL REPORT TO ROOM 3. THERE WILL BE A VAT OF GRAPES THERE. YOU WILL SPEND THE AFTERNOON STOMPING ON THEM. GOT IT?"

"Got it!" they said together.

"GOOD! NOW, ABOUT YOUR COMING BACK FROM LUNCH FIVE MINUTES LATE. . . "

They cuddled again.

"Oh, please forgive us!" Said Laverne. "We were gabbing together, and we didn't realize the time!"

"Yeah, we're sorry!" added Shirley.

"YOU'RE FORTGIVEN, GIRLS—THIS TIME!"

"Thank you, Mr. Schotz!" they said together.

* * *

The next day, they did their regular bottling, before lunch. At 2:00, they went to room 3. Both girls wore shorts, for the occasion. A large tank was there. It was filled with red grapes.

"Isn't this the same room we caught the spy in?" asked Shirley.

"Yep. And it's the same tank we swam in!"

"Well, let's get started."

They removed their shoes and socks.

"Maybe we should clean off our feet, before getting in."

"Good idea, Shirl—but how?"

They looked around the room. A hose was in a corner. They turned it on and cleaned off their feet with it. Then they walked over to the side of the tank.

"You first, Shirl."

"No, I don't wanna do it!"

"Well, one of us has to do it!"

She sighed. "Yeah, you're right!"

She climbed over the side and into the grapes.

"They feel like eyeballs on my feet!"

"Well, guess it's my turn."

Laverne also got in.

"You're right, Shirl! So, what now?"

"We walk around the tank, I guess."

They did this. They walked around the side, then they walked in the middle.

"I feel like Lucy in Italy!" said Laverne.

"Me, too! So, we just keep doing this for three hours?"

"We should still have our last break at $3:30."

"Oh, yeah. But how do we know when we're finished?"

"I dunno. I guess when all the grapes are crushed."

They continued stomping on the grapes. At one point, Laverne stopped and looked down at her legs.

"My feet are purple!"

"Mine, too. Hey, maybe they'll match that purple dress I have!"

She giggled. "Shirl!"

They continued.

"Why does Mr. Schotz want to make wine? Milwaukee's a beer town!"

"Don't knock it, Shirl. We're getting' $50 extra to do this!"

"True!"

As they continued, they extracted juice. This made their work a little bit harder, and it also now stained their legs, as well as their feet. At one point, Shirley lost her balance, and fell into the grapes! Laverne ran over to help her friend—and also fell in!

They helped each other up.

"Now, I REALLY feel like Lucy!" said Laverne.

"Me, too!"

They continued. Since they were already messy, they got more into the grape stomping than before.

At 3:30, they took their break. Then they continued until 5:00 quitting times. By then the grapes were pretty well crushed—and they were both grape-soaked messes!

Fortunately, shower facilities were at the brewery. They took showers—with their clothes on! —and went home.

* * *

Schotz Wine debuted, a few months later. Sadly, it wasn't too popular, so it was eventually discontinued. However, the girls were given a few free bottles of it, for their work.


End file.
